It’s time to refresh my capsule wardrobe and I feel stuuuuuck. Last Fall/early Winter was my first three month stint and I loved it. I enjoyed getting dressed and I felt put together almost all the time. But this second cycle has been tough. It was freezing when I filled my capsule with long sleeves + dark colors + wool sweaters, but since then we’ve spent half our days in the 70’s and 80’s. Getting dressed feels like a chore. A drab one.
Maybe it messed with my confidence to create a new capsule because I’m not inspired to choose new pieces. I don’t know what to choose!
A few weeks ago I started a project of reading my old journals and today I read a passage from right before I moved from Portland to LA. I needed a bunch of new clothes because I was going from the laid-back Portland life of working in yoga clothes back to the corporate world. I had gone to see a stylist at Anthropologie and we spent four! hours decking me out in frocks and smocks I loved.
I have beautiful clothes.
Beautiful. Really lovely.
Not on sale. Cute. Stylish.
Fit my body. Now.
Look good on me.
Feel good in.
Silky fabrics. Feminine.
A pair of really cute shoes.
How do I think I’m going to feel to have all these lovely clothes, to wear them?
Because I’m actually kind of scared to wear them. Scared that they get me ready to LIVE, and then all that will be left is to actually live, and… eeep!
Why should I be all put together and lovely? (i.e. that’s just not me!)
I know I need to understand my own reasons for caring – about style, beauty, pleasure, adornment. Otherwise I’ll always go halfway, or feel guilty or be apologizing or fail to enjoy it.
I wrote that almost four years ago and even though I know where that fear and those limiting beliefs come from, I guess they’re still with me because, like I said, I’m re-stuck.
But I had so much fun with that wardrobe. Maybe I could go back to a stylist, but my love affair with Anthro eventually fizzled and there’s no one store that has filled its shoes. (Teehee.)
I think of someone I know and admire and love who always looks great – hair, makeup, nails, clothing. Never a mess, never schlumpy. And it seems to reflect her internal world, which I also admire.
This makes me think a leap is needed. Like the part of me who knows it’s time to shift something in my style identity to better reflect my internal world is at odds with the part of me who doesn’t feel allowed to do that.
I need a permission slip.